Getting my nails done

 
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Getting my nails done

What it used to be like:

I know this seems like such a small minet part of my life, but it's something I do every two weeks so I thought it was worth mentioning. I have always gotten my nails done, because i viciously bite my nails until they were all bleed. (anxiety much?) The only way for me to solve this problem was to get my nails done bi-weekly. Drinking while getting my nails done started out innocently enough, like “Hey, this is my relaxing time.” or “It’s girl’s weekend, why not?” At first, it would just be a little wine in a coffee tumbler on special occasions with my friends. Which quickly turned into me getting so drunk my friends left me in the massage chair passed out and went to the bar next door. I woke up after God knows how long, embarrassed and confused. As if that wasn’t bad enough I would drink while getting my nails done by myself on a Tuesday night. How sad is that? If you’ve never been there I can tell you it's an extremely sad place to be in. Drinking while getting my nails done is just another example of how I struggled to do anything without drinking. I thought the only way to really relax was with wine and that if I was sober it didn’t really count as downtime. Probably because my mind was constantly running in a loop of guilt and shame for how I was living my life.

 

What it's like now:

I still get my nails done twice a month, but now I go with other sober friends. Or I can actually go solo and enjoy it. And there is actual coffee in my coffee mug, crazy right? I no longer think of getting my nails done as another drunken debacle. It has become part of my self care routine and something that I find very relaxing. I discovered that listening to an interesting podcast or reading a silly magazine helps me relax. I love looking for new nail designs online and endlessly discussing it in the group chat with my friends. My boyfriend even knows to make a big deal about how pretty my nails look whenever I get them done. (I think he’s a keeper.) My nails are now something I take pride in that helps me feel confident in myself. I think it’s important to feel put together and like I’m really taking care of myself.

 

What I hope for it to look like:

In the future I would love to get to the point where my anxiety no longer leads me to rip off the majority of my nails leaving them looking disgusting. I would love to be able to go nail polish free for a few weeks and just let my natural nails breathe. Or at the very least not feel like I have to get my nails done immediately every two weeks. I hope I still continue to find relaxation and comfort in knowing that I am doing something for myself.

 
nails to stay sober
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Sober breakfast